Criticism: Taking It and Dishing It Out
Eggshells Walking on Jude
For Example
Say I think someone's article is repetitious. It says the same thing
over and over. How many ways can it say that same thing in one
paragraph? It gives example after example when I already got it. Don't
they have anything else to say? Do they think the reader is an idiot? I
can understand saying something twice to make sure it came across,
but this really belabors the point. Over and over, they just say the same
thing, sometimes in the very same words!
If I become quiet and receptive and look for where my criticism of them
is right for me, I usually don't have to look too far....
Play With It
You can play with this kind of exploration in many ways. When you
happen to overhear criticism of someone or something else, you might
check to see, with kind eyes, if it could be true about your work. Go
looking for it. The world tends to be generous with criticism. It might
be just what you need for a sticky spot in your work.
Those politicians all lie! Hmmm, yes, maybe I could be more direct
and honest in my piece. I'm being so political about how it might be
received that I've lost track of what I wanted to say. Brrrr, it's too soon
for it to be so cold out. Aha! The transition into the cooler colors
on the edge of my picture is way too abrupt, that's what's been
bothering me....
Before you ask for feedback and the influence that may come with it, you
can also take the direct approach, of writing out your own criticisms
for yourself. Put down whatever you're afraid someone else might think.
Look over what you've written as simply observations that may include
valuable guidance.
Equality
This kind of practice reminds us of our basic equality with a friend who
asked for or offered feedback. No one is the all-knowing expert on
someone else's work, and anyone can potentially be helpful.
If, before dishing out criticism, we've sampled the fare ourselves, it
nourishes our natural tact and courtesy. And if we've already gotten
the habit of taking in useful criticism, even in surprising forms, we'll be
more comfortable and curious about whatever our friend has to share.
Then the process becomes a fruitful, collaborative one, alive with
possibility.
You Are SO Right!
Feedback
How does your work comes across to other people? Is it almost done?
Does that awkward place bother anyone but you? If you're in need of a
reality check or just a fresh perspective, your wise and courageous
Creative Guidance System might announce that it's time to get some
feedback.
Great! A time honored part of the Process. Almost all writers give a
gush of gratitude in the acknowledgments for the sainted partner, friend
or editor who read every draft and "made this a much better book."
As Shirley Abbott says at the end of The Future of Love, "Sooner or later
a writer turns to friends and family. ('Tell me what you think. Pull no
punches. But don't hurt my feelings. And by next Monday.')"
Non writers, too, may need the helpful response of feedback. Seeing your
work through others' eyes can open you to a world of possibilities that you'd
miss on your own.
But feedback also means that ear piercing whine made by a microphone
picking up and magnifying sound from an amplifier--it can hurt! Unexamined
beliefs (about doing it right, seeking approval, etc.) and habits of self attack
can amplify the sound of feedback to a painful screech.
If you're very closely identified with your work, feedback can be like
hearing someone pick on your favorite child. While you're keeping
yourself from grabbing the offender by the throat, it might not be so
easy to open your ears and listen.
If you hear, "You are a dismal failure as a writer and a human being"
when your friend says, "I'm thinking this paragraph could be shorter,"
you'll likely miss the full benefits of your collaboration.
What Do You Say Now, Dear?
Feedback can be rough on the giver, too. A friend offers you their
precious creation to respond to; they swear they really want to know.
But what if you take a peek and reel back from the smell of rotten
eggs--what if it stinks?
If you Google constructive criticism, you'll find the repeated advice to
make a sandwich. Say something nice first--that's the bread. The filling
is made of mentioning what might could stand some trifling improvement.
Finish with another slice of nice.
You imagine trying to scrape together at least a couple crackers worth
of encouragement to make a rotten egg sandwich with, wondering if you'll
be walking on eggshells around your friend for the rest of your life.
Jude Walking On EggshellsHow does your work comes across to other people? Is it almost done?
Does that awkward place bother anyone but you? If you're in need of a
reality check or just a fresh perspective, your wise and courageous
Creative Guidance System might announce that it's time to get some
feedback.
Great! A time honored part of the Process. Almost all writers give a
gush of gratitude in the acknowledgments for the sainted partner, friend
or editor who read every draft and "made this a much better book."
As Shirley Abbott says at the end of The Future of Love, "Sooner or later
a writer turns to friends and family. ('Tell me what you think. Pull no
punches. But don't hurt my feelings. And by next Monday.')"
Non writers, too, may need the helpful response of feedback. Seeing your
work through others' eyes can open you to a world of possibilities that you'd
miss on your own.
But feedback also means that ear piercing whine made by a microphone
picking up and magnifying sound from an amplifier--it can hurt! Unexamined
beliefs (about doing it right, seeking approval, etc.) and habits of self attack
can amplify the sound of feedback to a painful screech.
If you're very closely identified with your work, feedback can be like
hearing someone pick on your favorite child. While you're keeping
yourself from grabbing the offender by the throat, it might not be so
easy to open your ears and listen.
If you hear, "You are a dismal failure as a writer and a human being"
when your friend says, "I'm thinking this paragraph could be shorter,"
you'll likely miss the full benefits of your collaboration.
What Do You Say Now, Dear?
Feedback can be rough on the giver, too. A friend offers you their
precious creation to respond to; they swear they really want to know.
But what if you take a peek and reel back from the smell of rotten
eggs--what if it stinks?
If you Google constructive criticism, you'll find the repeated advice to
make a sandwich. Say something nice first--that's the bread. The filling
is made of mentioning what might could stand some trifling improvement.
Finish with another slice of nice.
You imagine trying to scrape together at least a couple crackers worth
of encouragement to make a rotten egg sandwich with, wondering if you'll
be walking on eggshells around your friend for the rest of your life.
First, Take It Personally
Whether you're giving or receiving criticism, it might help to warm up
before you go tippy-toeing through the eggshells. Like anything worthwhile,
feedback improves with practice.
Want to explore some wholesome criticism? If you'd like to experience this
exercise, please take a few minutes to write it down--doing it in your head
won't work nearly as well, if at all.
Whether you're giving or receiving criticism, it might help to warm up
before you go tippy-toeing through the eggshells. Like anything worthwhile,
feedback improves with practice.
Want to explore some wholesome criticism? If you'd like to experience this
exercise, please take a few minutes to write it down--doing it in your head
won't work nearly as well, if at all.
1. Think of someone working in the same medium as yours who could
do better. Write out your feedback for them in an uncensored way. Don't
bother to have a humble opinion, just an honest one. What should they do
differently? What, specifically, bugs you about their work? It doesn't
have to be a big deal. But don't hold back.
I suggest you don't read further until you've done this. Give it a whirl!
do better. Write out your feedback for them in an uncensored way. Don't
bother to have a humble opinion, just an honest one. What should they do
differently? What, specifically, bugs you about their work? It doesn't
have to be a big deal. But don't hold back.
I suggest you don't read further until you've done this. Give it a whirl!
Eggshells Walking on Jude2. Now, very gently, reread what you wrote as if it were neutral,
factual commentary about your work, from someone who loves you
and deeply understands. Look for where it could be accurate.
3. To go deeper, write three concrete examples of how each criticism
applies to your work, and/or to some other area of your life--your
meditation practice, your gardening, your spending habits, whatever
comes to mind.
4. Next, look for ways that what each criticism points out about your
work actually (also) helps it. Something that seems like a problem
can turn out to be a strength in disguise.
(If in part 1. I wrote: They make everything so complicated, and in 2.
and 3. I've found specifically how I make things complicated, here in
4. I might notice: by making things complicated I invite people to look
more deeply, to understand a richer view and so on).
5. Finally, check out the opposite of each critical statement, and look
for where that's true about your work or your life, too. (I don't make
everything so complicated, or I make everything so simple). Find
examples. Receiving (and giving yourself) positive feedback can be
every bit as challenging as the apparently negative.
factual commentary about your work, from someone who loves you
and deeply understands. Look for where it could be accurate.
3. To go deeper, write three concrete examples of how each criticism
applies to your work, and/or to some other area of your life--your
meditation practice, your gardening, your spending habits, whatever
comes to mind.
4. Next, look for ways that what each criticism points out about your
work actually (also) helps it. Something that seems like a problem
can turn out to be a strength in disguise.
(If in part 1. I wrote: They make everything so complicated, and in 2.
and 3. I've found specifically how I make things complicated, here in
4. I might notice: by making things complicated I invite people to look
more deeply, to understand a richer view and so on).
5. Finally, check out the opposite of each critical statement, and look
for where that's true about your work or your life, too. (I don't make
everything so complicated, or I make everything so simple). Find
examples. Receiving (and giving yourself) positive feedback can be
every bit as challenging as the apparently negative.
For Example
Say I think someone's article is repetitious. It says the same thing
over and over. How many ways can it say that same thing in one
paragraph? It gives example after example when I already got it. Don't
they have anything else to say? Do they think the reader is an idiot? I
can understand saying something twice to make sure it came across,
but this really belabors the point. Over and over, they just say the same
thing, sometimes in the very same words!
If I become quiet and receptive and look for where my criticism of them
is right for me, I usually don't have to look too far....
Play With It
You can play with this kind of exploration in many ways. When you
happen to overhear criticism of someone or something else, you might
check to see, with kind eyes, if it could be true about your work. Go
looking for it. The world tends to be generous with criticism. It might
be just what you need for a sticky spot in your work.
Those politicians all lie! Hmmm, yes, maybe I could be more direct
and honest in my piece. I'm being so political about how it might be
received that I've lost track of what I wanted to say. Brrrr, it's too soon
for it to be so cold out. Aha! The transition into the cooler colors
on the edge of my picture is way too abrupt, that's what's been
bothering me....
Before you ask for feedback and the influence that may come with it, you
can also take the direct approach, of writing out your own criticisms
for yourself. Put down whatever you're afraid someone else might think.
Look over what you've written as simply observations that may include
valuable guidance.
Equality
This kind of practice reminds us of our basic equality with a friend who
asked for or offered feedback. No one is the all-knowing expert on
someone else's work, and anyone can potentially be helpful.
If, before dishing out criticism, we've sampled the fare ourselves, it
nourishes our natural tact and courtesy. And if we've already gotten
the habit of taking in useful criticism, even in surprising forms, we'll be
more comfortable and curious about whatever our friend has to share.
Then the process becomes a fruitful, collaborative one, alive with
possibility.
More Pointers...
Ask for what you want
If criticism is a sandwich, it's best made to order.
"Only tell me about problems; I'm allergic to high-carb flattery."
"I don't know what I want yet, so give me whatever you've got."
"I'd like 100% lavish praise, please, as long as it's sincere."
The person serving may say, "Sorry, not on the menu--I am really only
good for nit picky trouble-shooting."
Specific questions directed to what you want to know can help focus
feedback and make it more useful. If possible, keep your questions
open-ended, to leave room for a view you hadn't already thought of.
Essay-type questions will probably get you more to work with than
yes/no or multiple choice.
Use Genuine 'I' Statements
Even if you're on fire with the conviction that your opinion is correct,
don't pretend to be a burning bush delivering the Objective Truth. It
will be easier to hear coming from an ordinary mortal.
"I thought..." "My response..." "To me...." "My feeling is...." These can
help remind both people that they can only offer their own experience
of a piece, which is all that is needed.
Don't Defend, Explain or Justify
If you start to feel defensive when receiving feedback, check in with
yourself about your motives. Are you still in it for the sake of bringing
out the best in your work, or are you after something else now?
It might be time to take a break, or to revise what you ask for."I could
use some reassurance that you get what I'm trying to do here."
If you find yourself explaining and justifying, you've stopped listening.
Since you already know whatever you're explaining, how can you
find out something new that way?
Sometimes it helps to stay busy taking notes on what your friend says;
you can sort through your reactions later.
You Can't Make Me
Your friend might have given you some brilliant suggestions. But
if you rush to slap their insights onto your piece, you might find
yourself disconnected from the process, trying to get it right in
someone else's eyes. Then it's easy to become bossy, demanding
and ultimately dissatisfied with your work.
Take some time to digest feedback and make it your own. Then
your next moves will evolve organically, from your own creative
spark that has brightened through contact with another.
Ask for what you want
If criticism is a sandwich, it's best made to order.
"Only tell me about problems; I'm allergic to high-carb flattery."
"I don't know what I want yet, so give me whatever you've got."
"I'd like 100% lavish praise, please, as long as it's sincere."
The person serving may say, "Sorry, not on the menu--I am really only
good for nit picky trouble-shooting."
Specific questions directed to what you want to know can help focus
feedback and make it more useful. If possible, keep your questions
open-ended, to leave room for a view you hadn't already thought of.
Essay-type questions will probably get you more to work with than
yes/no or multiple choice.
Use Genuine 'I' Statements
Even if you're on fire with the conviction that your opinion is correct,
don't pretend to be a burning bush delivering the Objective Truth. It
will be easier to hear coming from an ordinary mortal.
"I thought..." "My response..." "To me...." "My feeling is...." These can
help remind both people that they can only offer their own experience
of a piece, which is all that is needed.
Don't Defend, Explain or Justify
If you start to feel defensive when receiving feedback, check in with
yourself about your motives. Are you still in it for the sake of bringing
out the best in your work, or are you after something else now?
It might be time to take a break, or to revise what you ask for."I could
use some reassurance that you get what I'm trying to do here."
If you find yourself explaining and justifying, you've stopped listening.
Since you already know whatever you're explaining, how can you
find out something new that way?
Sometimes it helps to stay busy taking notes on what your friend says;
you can sort through your reactions later.
You Can't Make Me
Your friend might have given you some brilliant suggestions. But
if you rush to slap their insights onto your piece, you might find
yourself disconnected from the process, trying to get it right in
someone else's eyes. Then it's easy to become bossy, demanding
and ultimately dissatisfied with your work.
Take some time to digest feedback and make it your own. Then
your next moves will evolve organically, from your own creative
spark that has brightened through contact with another.
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